Dismissive Avoidant
to Earned Secure
How to find lasting, stable connection that respects your freedom & independence so that you can relax into relationships without losing yourself.
It’s like you were absent on the day they were giving out instructions for how to do relationships, and at this point you’ve concluded that you just aren’t cut out for closeness. You accept that this is just how you are. You tell yourself you’ve embraced the idea of growing old all alone, although, truthfully, you do get very lonely sometimes.
You’d like to share your life with someone...
You think:
I just want relationships to feel peaceful instead of draining.
But instead, you keep finding yourself in situations where:
When your partner wants you to comfort them emotionally, you don’t know what to do. You see their emotional neediness and something inside of you recoils.
Past partners would think about and want to talk about the relationship constantly. It gets really tedious when 80-100% of the discussions are about the relationship.
When it comes to emotional intimacy, you hit an invisible wall at a certain point of closeness, even with your children.
It seems like your past partners said/did whatever they needed to say to make you like them. They did everything they could to be the perfect partner in the beginning, then it flipped and suddenly you were never giving enough no matter how much love you poured into them.
When someone wounds you, your first thought is "they're just being irrational". You never pause to notice that what they said or did hurt you. This leads you to build resentment that erodes trust and eventually causes you to leave relationships, seemingly out of nowhere.
In dating, it can feel like your every action is under a microscope. You get called out for not replying to every one of the 8 texts someone sent you, so you feel pressured to comment or respond to every single text they send, and they send a lot.
Your partners stop reaching for you, and your relationships die from emotional loneliness, not because of explosive conflict.
You're constantly undervalued at work despite being excellent at your job, and rather than speaking up you play the peace keeper and end up in a role that you hate.
Instead of speaking up when your mother makes a dig at you, you stuff your frustration and pain down and pretend everything's fine.
It is easy to understand why you prefer to be alone, or keep relationships platonic.
Still, you see other people having a very different experience, and you can't help but wonder what that's about.
Your instinct that you must have missed something somewhere along the way that would finally make relationships make sense and feel good is actually really accurate.
This isn't a character defect or flaw;
it was an adaptation you made to the
conditions of your early life.
But it's a skillset that would serve you really well to have in your adult life.
You may be asking: So, what is this skillset that I never learned?
The skills that you never learned are called emotional attunement and co-regulation, and
they are the exact skills I will help you master in my Earned Secure coaching program.
Emotional Attunement &
Co-Regulation Are the KEYS to:
Loving companionship that respects your freedom to be independent without feeling pressured, or controlled, or anticipating that you'll have to disappoint someone by needing time alone.
A drama-free, harmonious romantic connection where conflicts are resolved through healthy, calm communication. You can disagree without assuming someone will leave or that you'll have to disappear to reclaim your peace.
Receiving the recognition and appreciation you deserve for being the stable, clear, rational, and extraordinarily helpful person you are.
Discovering that nothing terrible happens when you let someone see the parts of you that are tired, uncertain, or struggling. They don't become disappointed. They don't demand more than you can give. They simply understand.
Peaceful openness replaces irritability, anger, and defensiveness. You're more open to the good things in life, including more achievement and success, because you've stopped pre-disqualifying yourself from going after the opportunities you really want.
How 1:1 Earned Secure Coaching Works
I'll ask you some questions about your present-life circumstances to draw out and isolate your patterns.
I will use this info to develop a personalized program that outlines how we will resolve your challenges using Integrated Attachment Theory tools.
Each session, you will be guided through exercises and neuroplasticity tools that will help you better understand yourself, re-condition your self-limiting patterns at the root, and help you move in the direction of 'earned secure' attachment.
All of your work and the relevant exercises will be provided on a collaborative google doc, shared between you and me.
I will use the doc to teach and help you learn subconscious reprogramming tools & emotional literacy principles. With practice you will internalize them completely, and this doc will allow you to review them anytime you need.
In order to get the best possible results, independent work is essential. I'll work with you to streamline your necessary effort so that it fits easily into your morning or evening routine.
Typical Personalized Plan for DAs
We start with the inner work to develop emotional attunement and co-regulation with yourself
Sessions 1-2:
Discovery Questions & Goal Setting
Session 3:
Nervous System Regulation
& Somatic Processing
Sessions 4-5:
Needs Literacy Training
Sessions 6-7
Core Wound Reprogramming
Then, we take your regulated & attuned self into navigating healthy relationships with others
Session 8:
Expectations & Coping Behaviors
Sessions 9-10:
Nuanced, in-the-moment Boundaries
Sessions 11-12:
Conflict Communication Strategies
All sessions take place via zoom. In-person sessions may be available for St Petersburg, FL locals.
You're in good company
Become part of a growing movement of people building healthy emotional literacy and conscious relationships
"Rachel’s coaching sessions are excellent. She listens, has a methodology, is helpful, patient analytical and intuitive. Helped me better understand my own needs, strengths and development areas. Highly recommend her coaching if you are looking to improve and invest in yourself."
C.B.
Devoted Husband, Finance Professional
"...while I can remember that these [traumatic] events happened, there’s no longer the ‘sticky’ tie or large emotional reactions. In fact, most of the time I have to try hard to remember the events surrounding the experience or even what my triggers were after the event. I’m grateful to Rachel for her understanding of early wounds and the impact on the subconscious; it has truly made a wonderful difference in my life."
C.B.
Mother, Yoga Teacher
On a personal note,
I spent half my life trying to change the negative patterns that kept repeating in my relationships. Therapy, contemplative practice, supportive mentors, and sheer determination helped me understand myself, but they didn't change the subconscious conditioning driving my behaviors. I eventually realized that what I needed to heal wasn't just how I relate to others. I needed to un-learn how I had been taught to speak to myself and treat my own emotions every moment of every day. Until I learned how to re-condition the core beliefs that caused me to reject myself before anyone else could, lasting change remained out of reach.
Everything changed when I began working directly with my subconscious mind. No one is born believing they're unworthy, unsafe, or unlovable. We learn those patterns, which means we can also unlearn them. Today, I'm passionate about helping people master the tools to heal the conditioning that blocks them from receiving healthy connection so they can experience greater emotional safety, self-respect, and fulfilling relationships.
Thank you for being here. It's a privilege to walk alongside you as you create that transformation for yourself.
In full support of you,
Rachel
Discover the Freedom of Secure Attachment
12-Session Program - Paid Per Session
$159 / Session
Coaching sessions typically take place every 2-3 weeks
Expect a small amount of daily homework between meetings